Brain hurts...blag

So I'm in the middle of applying to medical school for the second time and I really don't feel as experienced in it as I wish I did (I mean considering I've gone through the process before.)

Every year the application changes and they want information presented differently, or even new information all together. It's a very time consuming process as I try to put my best foot forward- because while the application is a angry hoop jumping fiasco relatively simple process it means so much to me.

Since I was a little girl I dreamed about being a doctor. For quite a while I wanted to be a burn/plastic surgeon (not so sure about that now). So as I'm filling in the application I get these floods of emotions. When I consider the possibility that I could get in this year elation come pouring in, then I consider another rejection and I feel sick to my stomach. I desperately hope every comment I write is interpreted in the spirit it was written by the admissions committee. Uncharacteristic of my general personality, substantial amounts of contempt arise in me when I come across people who seem to be of the opinion that its easy to get into medical school. And anyone with a cavalier attitude towards their own application frankly infuriates me. I have fought really hard for my application to have the high points that it does and the less the shiny points of my application reflect some of my most devastating personal struggles. I hope those who seem to have less emotion invested in their medical school applications are just being guarded towards revealing the strength of their desire because the idea that someone who "just thinks it would be fun" getting in over someone who is fiercely passionate is enough to make my head spin.

To my fiercely passionate comrades out there- good luck! But don't take my spot :P

For those who are interested, I recently got my MCAT scores back and I scored 4 points better this round! I'm cautiously thrilled. It's still no 40+ but hopefully it will be enough to make the difference this year. I still feel like I could do better on the MCAT but studying for a test whose material was presented to me around 7 years ago and caring for my kids is a significant obstacle- I hope admissions committee members get that.

Anyway, that's my rant for now- I gotta get back at it! Comment! All the cool people are doing it :P Lame, I know but I do like comments.

The worst shopping trip ever!

In a break day from working and studying (although I read a chapter tonight) I went out this morning to buy groceries, sounds simple enough right? NOPE!! Any mom knows that shopping ...and well life, is more complicated with children. Usually I do alright, the odd loss of patience, once I decided that it would just be better to go home then brave another planned store, nothing like today.

I was in Walmart for almost 4 hours today :(

Zipporah started off the day at 6am which was not my cup of tea, but I decided, "Hey, if I'm up lets be productive!" By the time we checked out our local whole foods market and got some goodies at the dollar store (Is it sad that my retail therapy involved $2 foam sandals?) it was maybe 10am as we were rolling into Walmart. And while I generally find Walmart sorta evil and generally avoid shopping there I find them a more kid friendly option because: the food is cheaper AND they bag my groceries AND they don't make me feel bad if I didn't bring my own reusable bags.

Anyway so we start off ok until we hit the second isle and Zipporah decides that she's too sleepy to carry on and she screamed at the top of her lungs!!! I've dealt with a screaming child before so I tried to play it cool. I was trying all angles, maybe I could calm her down, maybe we could abandon our cart and leave, maybe she'd just fall asleep. Anytime I thought I should just give up and leave she'd settle long enough for me to think it was doable and go back to my cart. I must have been a sight to watch! I was hushing a 13 month old, herding the 5 year old and constantly gathering my things to leave getting half way out of the store and then heading back. Anyway she fell asleep but only in my arms, despite my efforts to make her a little nest in the cart.

So I recalled seeing  on Pinterest that you can fold a hoodie to make a baby carrier (check out the video!) . So in true, "Jane of All Trades" style I MacGyver-ed a makeshift baby carrier out of my hoodie to continue the grocery trip. The only problem was is that the hoddie carrier would only hold tight if I didn't bend at all which meant that I kinda had to just drop all my groceries into the cart. So here I am clanging canned fruits and veggies into the cart with a baby tied onto me with a hoodie, but don't worry... it gets "better"

So just before we hit the refrigerated foods I felt all warm and wet down the front of me...that's right! I got peed on!!! Somehow in our hoodie entangled stroke of genius, her diaper had gotten all bunchy and performed seriously sub optimally.


My only luck for the day would be that there was a sample kiosk handing out free diapers and wipes (because in an effort not to ALWAYS have my hands to full I left the diaper bag in the car.) I somehow manged to get this hoddie contraption off me and changed her diaper. My shirt wasn't as wet as I had thought it would be and the samples wipes where scented so I used them on her and then on my shirt. Put my hoodie back on like a sane person and continued to shop with a cranky 13 month old who hadn't had a long enough nap and a 5 year old who picked up every other product in the store and tried to put it in our cart. Amazingly the only unplanned purchase Abbi contributed to was a box of blueberry egos about the same size as she is. (I said unplanned not unnoticed)

So here is the good part of the blog! Since Mommy almost had  a nervous breakdown in Walmart we came home and played on the slip and slide for the rest of the afternoon!

Late night posting

Apparently I post before I give up studying for the night. I think I need a newer book! That's right, I'm studying from Kaplan 2005... sadly that was the first year I told everyone I was going to take the MCAT soon... you know within the decade :P

On another note, Happy Birthday to my high school best friend who is turning 27 today!! Journeying through my memories brings back images of Calaway park and silly backyard games. I need to go through old photos and scan better images into my computer- not sure when I'll ever have time to do that... but its a really good idea.

Rant about Studying

Studying is driving me nuts! Everything feels so familiar until I try and answer questions then then I struggle, really rather badly. On top of the frustration with learning the topics themselves comes the battle to even study in the first place. I'm a pretty pro procrastinator so having the motivation to study isn't easy to come by, combine that with my husband, 2 girls and a fun loving dog and I'm surprised I've even half cracked a book. Frequently I end up studying very late at night and then I can't even keep my eyes open. I know its not optimally effective.

So I've mapped out what I'm considering a 40 day challenge which outlines the sections that I will need to study and the reading that I feel I need to do to be ready before the night of my exam- in about 40 days to be exact :P I planned things out and set some goals. The main goals I've set is to achieve a minimum of 10s across the board (which is a moderately competitive MCAT score) I would love to think that I can get 15s in the Verbal Reasoning and Biological Sciences but 10s seems like a more attainable. I mean I shoot for those perfect 15s but if I get 11 I still want to walk away considering that a HUGE success. I'm so hopeful that some kind of magic will happen and I'll get an exam suited to all my strengths but I know that's unlikely to happen. I will as my blog title suggests need to become a Jane of all things sciencey or at least MCATy.

I was SOO freaking close to getting in this past year (in fact, parts of me clings to the fantasy that everyone on the waiting list will decline and I'll get some amazing last minute phone call...its not going to happen, but I can't seem to get the thought out of my head) that I really waiver between being super motivated for this year and being just frankly pissed off! Getting my application scores back pretty well summed things up for me. My application scored pretty well on everything (like high enough to get in) except the MCAT and while I did ok at interview I didn't make up for the MCAT difference and I didn't shine like I had hoped that I would have. I acknowledge that I could improve in all areas and I do endeavor to... but yeah, "MCAT you are my nemesis!!!"