I don't like change

I tend only to blog when I have a rant that I can't find someone to listen to... I should post a happy article to counter balance. Anyway, NOT tonight!

My last laptop bit it. Yep, it went up in a stinky, pathetic puff of smoke. I took it in to the service department at Memory Express and was not impressed. I waited in line for an extended period of time before anyone acknowledge me and then I was told it would take at least a week and a half to have someone officially tell me what was wrong with my computer...."ummm... it smokes when you plug it in! Hello"

I had had a very similar problem with this same computer in the past so I asked the teenage boy clerk how much it had cost to repair the problem last time. He said that because it was a warrantee repair that there wasn't a price listed which seems a bit odd to me but whatever. He then proceeded to estimate the cost of my computer repair would be around $550-$600 :( Since my old laptop is almost 3 years old and I only paid about $700 for it brand new that price range didn't seem like the best plan so I set about looking for a new computer.

I don't like buying computers, I don't know a ton about them and I don't like spending money very much. I want the fastest fanciest computer but I don't like paying the associated price. So I found a computer that I thought met everything I needed, it seemed to have all the specs of a much more expensive machine and I was kind of happy since it was on sale. But now that I have it home I'm not that impressed.

 It has a fancy touch screen feature but when I'm using photoshop for my photo editing the pictures flicker on my screen! I can't edit if I can't see it well. I'm not doing anything particularly taxing to the computer either. It's not like I have 1 million other things running or a ton of image files open but my new computers functionality in photo shop is sub optimal. I think I may have made a mistake :( I'm not 100% sure why it is flickering but I need to get this resolved. I just want my old computer back!!! I don't like change and I'm not very excited for this new computer especially now that it has been difficult. (I should say more difficult, I don't like Windows 8 much either)

Long Overdue

My last blog was a Christmas Wish list rant! I wish I consistently remembered/made time to blog. I think I have kind of a unique-ish voice and I like the idea that I can share my thoughts about stuff with others who may (or may not) care.

Anyway, one of the biggest things that has happened since I last blogged was I ended the childcare arrangement that I had had. Nothing absolutely horrible happened but my "mom equivalent" spidey senses were tingling. My girls just weren't acting like themselves and they didn't want to go in the mornings. My children have been doing so much better since I made that call so I know it was the right one for them. Abbi has been acting more like my Abbi and there has been less bad attitude and arguing in our home plus she's been doing so much better in school. Zippy is  just little and fun and I enjoy every extra second I get to be with her.

It's been tough for me though. My mother has been being really great and has been helping to fill our gap in care. I pay for her gas to travel back and forth but its still somewhat of a burden on her. I've been trying to find a good fit for a care provider but my luck has been pretty low. I know I need someone who understands me. What that means is :

1. Has an excellent grasp of the English language (or at least my awkward way of using it)
2. Most likely has children of their own 
3. Parents/Attends to children "Like they mean it!"

I guess I should also define what I mean by "like they mean it!". I have found that I am not a "chill " mom. Nope, I'm not particularly laid back. My children are incredibly important to me and I want the very very best for them. So I'm not ok with just filling time. I want them to have wonderfully enriching experiences. I want them to stare at stars and wonder, to view things through a microscope and think, I want them to master new skills and feel wonderfully empowered and quietly confident. And I don't want them to gawk at screens and just let their brains melt before they've even started to fully solidify. While we have a tv in our house and we do watch a show or two we break it up with play that encourages some form of learning or personal development.

I want my girls to be together as much as possible. Zi loves Abbi so much. It is truly heart warming to watch them get along (and so frustrating when they fight). My desire to have them together also complicates finding care. Abbi needs someone willing to take her to and from school and Zi is a toddler who naps during the day. Many care providers will do either school aged kids or only under 3 so its a rarity to find a person or company willing to do both. I know Zippy will do much better transitioning into a new spaces if her sister is there. I also know that it would be a pain to have to make multiple trips to drop them off and pick them up each day.

Lastly, cost is an issue. While no one is at risk of going hungry at our house we are certainly less than loaded. Many childcare options would completely consume my wage therefor defeating the point of my working. Most options are at least half of what I make which is demoralizing. We're trying to attack our debt and save enough money for some needed renos on our house (Our house is freezing cold because the basement is uninsulated and our windows are from the 80's). While I know I am making a valuable contribution to our finances, I also know I'm out of my home more than I'd like to be and making less hourly then my husband. Ben is awesome, don't get me wrong, he deserves the good job he has found but chewing in my mind is the fact that I actually have more education than he does. I'd like to think I could at least make the same hourly wage that he does but it would seem that I can't.

So we're stuck calling around, checking online, making appointment to see, looking into plan B, C, D but really I just want to find someone who loves my kids the way I do and I know that's unrealistic. I hope I can find someone wonderful and begrudgingly settle to give the hours of my children's lives over to them and then also pay them money. Seems pretty unfair to me but that's because they are mine and I enjoy spending time with them.

If anyone knows anyone who offers childcare who is awesome I would love to hear about it :)
I'll try to make the interval between this post and the next less than a month!

Christmas Wish List

I have this problem every year where people ask me what I want for Christmas and I just stand there and look kind of dumb. I can never resolve in my head what I really want. I aim to rattle off a list of consumer goods that would be feasible for the person asking to acquire but so often more "stuff" just doesn't appeal to me. Don't get me wrong, I like stuff but I have a lot of it already and I tend to treat myself to things that I want throughout the year.

So then my mind goes away from the would-be-nice-list to the need-list. I need more sleep and more time, but no one can give me that.  I really want for my house to be cleaner so time from a maid service would be amazing. Our bathroom reno is dragging on so it would be great to have some help finishing that. I want my children to enjoy the holidays and the magical feelings of Christmas morning but some may argue that that's not really "for me". I find this list to be too much to ask of most people and its certainly not easy to just swing by the mall and pick these items up.

So I default to the material-possessions-that-would-be-nice-to-have list. I need either a new coat or for the one I own to get repaired and dry cleaned. I need a new printer but I might have to buy that before Christmas. I'm a bit of a girly girl so I enjoy makeup, perfume and jewelry. Gift cards are awesome although depending on the store I'm actually more likely to buy things for my children or as gifts for other people (kind of a sneaky way of re-gifting). Spa treatments never go out of style! Sign me up for fingernail, pedicures, hair cuts etc. any day!!!

Then there are the kind of awkward things that I want (awkward because giving them may imply something unfavorable about myself.) I want teeth whiting, hair removal systems, fitness vouchers or membership in a weight loss program. I guess I accept that I'm chubby, hairy and have yellow teeth 'cause I think these gifts would be awesome!

Ok so I guess there is a list of things a want but I find it to be somewhat out of the conventional realm of things. My Christmas shopping is far from done, I have to pry these kinds of lists out of my loved ones still and all by next Tuesday :)

I guess its a profound blessing to be able to reflect on the most enduring and riches gifts of the season. My beloved Savior who upholds me through trials and forgives my many imperfections as I strive to become more like Him. My family; my beautiful sisters, my loving and supportive parents. The family I am growing in and creating, my husband and my adorable girls. My gratitude for these heavenly gifts is impossible to express fully.

Merry Christmas !


And on a lighter note: this is one of my favorite SNL sketches by Steve Martin. In typical SNL style its a bit irreverent but as I think about my Christmas wish list each year this always comes back to my mind.

Sweet Mercy

So the title of this blog has many meanings, depending on how I say it :P

It has been a very overwhelming time in my life. From the end of June until 2.5 weeks ago Ben was unemployed and I was the primary bread winner for our family. It was a stressful time for everyone in our home. I'm thrilled that Ben has recently been able to find new gainful employment but things aren't 100% back to normal. I will keep working to get us back on our feet and on track to the financial security we were heading for before.

I'm currently working 3 jobs not including my photography business. I have chosen things that I deeply enjoy doing so my jobs aren't as draining as they could be but I work outside of my home 35 to 45 hours a week. Why the variability you ask? One of the biggest jobs I have is as a tutor. I mostly tutor high school level Math and Science and my appointments fill pretty much all night... every night. My students are awesome, many of them enrich my life but its always an adventure heading out each night. And I meet my students in their homes so I drive A LOT!

For my other jobs I work part-time as a technician at the lab I spent most of my Master's degree in and I work teaching science workshops to elementary aged children with Mad Science of Southern Alberta. Both are right up my alley :D

But balancing my work schedule and my family has been hectic at best. My girlies are in a day home, which was hard to secure a position. I would prefer to have a nanny but the price tag for that is still a little out of our reach.

We are also in the middle of a major bathroom reno as our main bath had lots of water damage and accompanying mold issues. So amid the work and family, I've been ripping out tile and flooring. I've got a new sub floor half screwed down and hope to get to trying my hand a tiling this weekend.

I'm still waiting to hear back from med school. I hope this year is my year. I did better on the MCAT, I think I got some solid reference letters from people I really feel can speak to different and important parts of my character, I've been through an interview so I know what to expect and I have some things I know I can improve on there, so here is to hoping that the referees assessments are going to go in my favor.

This Jane-of-All-Trades wants to settle on medicine but for now I'm an entrepreneur/photographer/tutor/children's entertainer/scientist/laborer/tiler/interior designer extraordinaire... I need a cape. 

A Message For All Men

Hello!

This message is to be shared with all men... ALL of them!!!

With October coming to a close I feel the need to express my opinions about the impending Movember. My opinions may not be what you expect... so keep reading!

I welcome all, yes I mean ALL, weird-furry-caterpillar-like, haven't-actually-hit-puberty-yet or shaggier-than-expected fuzzy grossnesses 

AS LONG AS YOU ACTUALLY DONATE MONEY TO CANCER!!!!

 

If you are not planning on donating and are just growing facial hair please do not make any attempt to justify the parasitic looking thing on your face as being in support of mens cancers. What's on your face is really only notably helpful in the fight against mens cancers if funds are raised.

And that is my official stance on Movember.

Happy facial hair grooming to my friends with a Y chromosome!

Ok... I Quit! : A Grumpy Rant by Yours Truly

So first off sorry for the TMI but it's my time of the month and I'm grouchy about it!

And now for a link to the Time of the month Tiger!
 A Whole Awesome Blog Dedicated to Amusing Tiger Memes.

Ok so the reason I find myself particularly unimpressed is that my body seems to be playing some weird trick on me and I'm having my "time of the month" more than once a month!!! After some research I have found that is is most likely a result of weight loss plus a diet improvement... which makes me want to throws things!

If you care you can read this brief explanation


It's like mother nature being like, " Hey you want to improve you life? Ok well, for having the audacity to try and make positive change I'm going to sick 'Aunt Flow' on you every 3ish weeks!!!"

In other news (which is apparently the source to my current problem) I am very close to no longer being medically classifiable as obese. Apparently that's maybe only true for some of the more forgiving BMI charts but I'll take it.



Yay, for only being overweight... it sounded more exciting in my head. I did do a boot camp over the last few months of summer but I've actually had more success just being out of my house and away from the fridge more.

I don't feel like I eat very much but when I'm out of my house I don't tend it pick up a quick snack. I eat the food that I packed and that's that. And if it wasn't for the feeling that I need to buy stocks in Midol I am generally feeling quite well.

Oh and as I mentioned before I have changed my diet. I've increased my protein intake and I increased my fiber intake and reduced carbohydrates, refined sugars and dairy.  I feel like the protein helps me feel more full and have greater energy.

Brain hurts...blag

So I'm in the middle of applying to medical school for the second time and I really don't feel as experienced in it as I wish I did (I mean considering I've gone through the process before.)

Every year the application changes and they want information presented differently, or even new information all together. It's a very time consuming process as I try to put my best foot forward- because while the application is a angry hoop jumping fiasco relatively simple process it means so much to me.

Since I was a little girl I dreamed about being a doctor. For quite a while I wanted to be a burn/plastic surgeon (not so sure about that now). So as I'm filling in the application I get these floods of emotions. When I consider the possibility that I could get in this year elation come pouring in, then I consider another rejection and I feel sick to my stomach. I desperately hope every comment I write is interpreted in the spirit it was written by the admissions committee. Uncharacteristic of my general personality, substantial amounts of contempt arise in me when I come across people who seem to be of the opinion that its easy to get into medical school. And anyone with a cavalier attitude towards their own application frankly infuriates me. I have fought really hard for my application to have the high points that it does and the less the shiny points of my application reflect some of my most devastating personal struggles. I hope those who seem to have less emotion invested in their medical school applications are just being guarded towards revealing the strength of their desire because the idea that someone who "just thinks it would be fun" getting in over someone who is fiercely passionate is enough to make my head spin.

To my fiercely passionate comrades out there- good luck! But don't take my spot :P

For those who are interested, I recently got my MCAT scores back and I scored 4 points better this round! I'm cautiously thrilled. It's still no 40+ but hopefully it will be enough to make the difference this year. I still feel like I could do better on the MCAT but studying for a test whose material was presented to me around 7 years ago and caring for my kids is a significant obstacle- I hope admissions committee members get that.

Anyway, that's my rant for now- I gotta get back at it! Comment! All the cool people are doing it :P Lame, I know but I do like comments.