I don't like change

I tend only to blog when I have a rant that I can't find someone to listen to... I should post a happy article to counter balance. Anyway, NOT tonight!

My last laptop bit it. Yep, it went up in a stinky, pathetic puff of smoke. I took it in to the service department at Memory Express and was not impressed. I waited in line for an extended period of time before anyone acknowledge me and then I was told it would take at least a week and a half to have someone officially tell me what was wrong with my computer...."ummm... it smokes when you plug it in! Hello"

I had had a very similar problem with this same computer in the past so I asked the teenage boy clerk how much it had cost to repair the problem last time. He said that because it was a warrantee repair that there wasn't a price listed which seems a bit odd to me but whatever. He then proceeded to estimate the cost of my computer repair would be around $550-$600 :( Since my old laptop is almost 3 years old and I only paid about $700 for it brand new that price range didn't seem like the best plan so I set about looking for a new computer.

I don't like buying computers, I don't know a ton about them and I don't like spending money very much. I want the fastest fanciest computer but I don't like paying the associated price. So I found a computer that I thought met everything I needed, it seemed to have all the specs of a much more expensive machine and I was kind of happy since it was on sale. But now that I have it home I'm not that impressed.

 It has a fancy touch screen feature but when I'm using photoshop for my photo editing the pictures flicker on my screen! I can't edit if I can't see it well. I'm not doing anything particularly taxing to the computer either. It's not like I have 1 million other things running or a ton of image files open but my new computers functionality in photo shop is sub optimal. I think I may have made a mistake :( I'm not 100% sure why it is flickering but I need to get this resolved. I just want my old computer back!!! I don't like change and I'm not very excited for this new computer especially now that it has been difficult. (I should say more difficult, I don't like Windows 8 much either)

Long Overdue

My last blog was a Christmas Wish list rant! I wish I consistently remembered/made time to blog. I think I have kind of a unique-ish voice and I like the idea that I can share my thoughts about stuff with others who may (or may not) care.

Anyway, one of the biggest things that has happened since I last blogged was I ended the childcare arrangement that I had had. Nothing absolutely horrible happened but my "mom equivalent" spidey senses were tingling. My girls just weren't acting like themselves and they didn't want to go in the mornings. My children have been doing so much better since I made that call so I know it was the right one for them. Abbi has been acting more like my Abbi and there has been less bad attitude and arguing in our home plus she's been doing so much better in school. Zippy is  just little and fun and I enjoy every extra second I get to be with her.

It's been tough for me though. My mother has been being really great and has been helping to fill our gap in care. I pay for her gas to travel back and forth but its still somewhat of a burden on her. I've been trying to find a good fit for a care provider but my luck has been pretty low. I know I need someone who understands me. What that means is :

1. Has an excellent grasp of the English language (or at least my awkward way of using it)
2. Most likely has children of their own 
3. Parents/Attends to children "Like they mean it!"

I guess I should also define what I mean by "like they mean it!". I have found that I am not a "chill " mom. Nope, I'm not particularly laid back. My children are incredibly important to me and I want the very very best for them. So I'm not ok with just filling time. I want them to have wonderfully enriching experiences. I want them to stare at stars and wonder, to view things through a microscope and think, I want them to master new skills and feel wonderfully empowered and quietly confident. And I don't want them to gawk at screens and just let their brains melt before they've even started to fully solidify. While we have a tv in our house and we do watch a show or two we break it up with play that encourages some form of learning or personal development.

I want my girls to be together as much as possible. Zi loves Abbi so much. It is truly heart warming to watch them get along (and so frustrating when they fight). My desire to have them together also complicates finding care. Abbi needs someone willing to take her to and from school and Zi is a toddler who naps during the day. Many care providers will do either school aged kids or only under 3 so its a rarity to find a person or company willing to do both. I know Zippy will do much better transitioning into a new spaces if her sister is there. I also know that it would be a pain to have to make multiple trips to drop them off and pick them up each day.

Lastly, cost is an issue. While no one is at risk of going hungry at our house we are certainly less than loaded. Many childcare options would completely consume my wage therefor defeating the point of my working. Most options are at least half of what I make which is demoralizing. We're trying to attack our debt and save enough money for some needed renos on our house (Our house is freezing cold because the basement is uninsulated and our windows are from the 80's). While I know I am making a valuable contribution to our finances, I also know I'm out of my home more than I'd like to be and making less hourly then my husband. Ben is awesome, don't get me wrong, he deserves the good job he has found but chewing in my mind is the fact that I actually have more education than he does. I'd like to think I could at least make the same hourly wage that he does but it would seem that I can't.

So we're stuck calling around, checking online, making appointment to see, looking into plan B, C, D but really I just want to find someone who loves my kids the way I do and I know that's unrealistic. I hope I can find someone wonderful and begrudgingly settle to give the hours of my children's lives over to them and then also pay them money. Seems pretty unfair to me but that's because they are mine and I enjoy spending time with them.

If anyone knows anyone who offers childcare who is awesome I would love to hear about it :)
I'll try to make the interval between this post and the next less than a month!