My Weight Loss Journey

So I've been thinking for a while about blogging about my journey through weight loss. I know its something a lot of people go through especially as babies come and life gets busy. The pounds seem to just sneak in there for me. So as I've noticed the problem I have tried to correct it, here are some of my thoughts and experiences with weight loss.

At high school grad

Numbers really bother me- I'm not 100% sure why. I always felt like I never fit into the "right" numbers. It definitely does have something to do with my fitness as a youth. I was very active but still never weighed less than 140 pounds in high school (which for my height at the time was outside a normal BMI). For most of my teen years and early adulthood I refused to weigh myself concluding that looking and feeling good were more important than a number on a scale... soo much so that I refused to own one for a long time.

A few months pregnant

After I got married I found that eating with a boy all the time was a hard thing to do. I didn't want to prepare different meals for the two of us yet I just couldn't eat the meat and potatoes type deit that my husband requested all the time. As I result I was already on my way up when we found out we were expecting our first little girl.

After my first pregnancy despite many efforts I never got back down to my true pre-pregnancy weight. I tried not to focus on it too much though and largely assumed that this was just what happens when you have kids. I had heard several women speak that way- I dismissed it as to be expected. So having lost very little weight despite the 4 years between my girls I started pregnancy #2 at almost my max. weight from being pregnant with Abbi. I was however grateful to have concerned midwives who instead of stroking my ego and saying it was all alright expressed concern and came up with an eating plan during pregnancy that would minimize excessive weight gain. It was really hard to explain to people that it was actually healthy for me and baby to be losing weight while pregnant. I got a lot of ," but your not THAT big" or "are you sure you are doing what's best for baby?" etc. While I appreciate that people's comments were motivated by love and concern I caved to them more than I should and still gained nearly 30 pounds while pregnant. My peak weight was 225 pounds... an absolutely horrifying number for me. Pictures of me are kinda hard to find from that time. 

While I still refuse to buy into the scale as a source of really any emotional stimulus, I do now own one as it's hard to be sure that you are losing weight without tracking weight. I also now go through phases of weighing myself compulsively- I think it's just wishful thinking that, "hey maybe I lost a ton of weight that last workout!" I think for me it's just a struggle for the insides of me (my self perception) to match the outsides of me (reality, I guess). See I think I personally suffer from a sort of positive body dismorphia- I actually think I look better than I actually do. My personal image of myself is of someone who is very fit and active with notable muscle tone. I catch glimpses of myself looking kinda flabby and I'm shocked! I'm used to having big thighs because my quads were huge as a skater (figure skated for 12+ years), not because they're chubby! Anyway, realizing my need to fight the flab I've taken to eating better and exercising more.

Despite my general resolve, I have yoyo ed quite a lot over the past year. My current goal weight is 150 which will take me to a normal BMI and back to my real pregnancy self. We'll see how I feel as I get closer to that number, I may feel it possible to push it further or stop a bit shy, we'll see. My healthy range is anywhere from 115 to 152, nearly a 40 pound range gives me lots of wiggle room inside the classification of healthy. I know I'll have to work for or even fight for each and every pound I lose. I have found lots of motivational things form , "nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels" to needing to buy new clothes when I drop significant weight to the empowering feeling of being in control of this aspect of my life. It all helps but the process is long and really tough.

I'd love to know your struggle and what works for you... I'll blog about this more in the future too I'm sure so if there is something specific you want me to rant about let me know!

Shoot I forgot I had Another Blog!

... Just kidding :P

I've been fighting that bloggers guilt for quite some time. Life has gotten away from me.

I wrote in MCAT Aug.17th... it was epic. My impressions? "Man alive! I hope I did better than I did last time!" We'll see in about a months time.

So I'm in full swing applying for medical school, again. After writing the MCAT in Edmonchuck I starting to prepare myself for the idea of applying in Edmonton- cause if I were to get in you betcha we're movin'! I still feel lost in Edmonton but that's what you get for visiting once every 5 years or so.





I'm also doing photography like a mad woman- but it's awesome. Finished a wedding- it was an amazing experience. We had a good day found a wonderful location for pictures and the couple are just warm people. I'm a sucker for weddings even when they're stresswad central but this was such a great experience for me. Here's a taste.. for more check out my photography blog Glowing Photography

Oh and I have a super awesome photography sale of greatness! You should message me for the details... because its a secret sale :D I'm almost all booked though so don't delay!!!

This month I also finished tutoring my fab Math students. I'm happy to report that they passed! One actually did pretty darn well. I'm kinda sad to see them go, they brought routine to my life and a reason to clean my house every Thursday morning. I'm now looking for new clients in the tutoring department. I have a kijij ad called I tutor it! 'Cause in reality if its a class you can take before post-secondary chances are I can tutor it and have likely tutored it before :) I love seeing people achieve. It's literally heart warming, education really changes peoples lives. Especially my upgrading alumni who are in a way looking to prove to themselves that they can do it, they really have inspired me to have a better attitude about learning and what a privilege- no blessing- it is that I have the education I do. PS. thanks to everyone who has ever contributed to a scholarship fund.

So yeah that's what I've been doing during this radio silence... I have soo many things I could blog about... lately I've been really into art and design so I feel a project coming on...or maybe I should just finish some old ones. Oh and I've been watch/reading more third wave feminism stuff and its so worth talking about but those will need to wait for another time.

Leave comments! 'Cause they make me feel less like I'm talking to myself... maybe I should make a vlog... then I would really be talking to myself... might wake the baby though...hmmm