Brain hurts...blag

So I'm in the middle of applying to medical school for the second time and I really don't feel as experienced in it as I wish I did (I mean considering I've gone through the process before.)

Every year the application changes and they want information presented differently, or even new information all together. It's a very time consuming process as I try to put my best foot forward- because while the application is a angry hoop jumping fiasco relatively simple process it means so much to me.

Since I was a little girl I dreamed about being a doctor. For quite a while I wanted to be a burn/plastic surgeon (not so sure about that now). So as I'm filling in the application I get these floods of emotions. When I consider the possibility that I could get in this year elation come pouring in, then I consider another rejection and I feel sick to my stomach. I desperately hope every comment I write is interpreted in the spirit it was written by the admissions committee. Uncharacteristic of my general personality, substantial amounts of contempt arise in me when I come across people who seem to be of the opinion that its easy to get into medical school. And anyone with a cavalier attitude towards their own application frankly infuriates me. I have fought really hard for my application to have the high points that it does and the less the shiny points of my application reflect some of my most devastating personal struggles. I hope those who seem to have less emotion invested in their medical school applications are just being guarded towards revealing the strength of their desire because the idea that someone who "just thinks it would be fun" getting in over someone who is fiercely passionate is enough to make my head spin.

To my fiercely passionate comrades out there- good luck! But don't take my spot :P

For those who are interested, I recently got my MCAT scores back and I scored 4 points better this round! I'm cautiously thrilled. It's still no 40+ but hopefully it will be enough to make the difference this year. I still feel like I could do better on the MCAT but studying for a test whose material was presented to me around 7 years ago and caring for my kids is a significant obstacle- I hope admissions committee members get that.

Anyway, that's my rant for now- I gotta get back at it! Comment! All the cool people are doing it :P Lame, I know but I do like comments.